A Few of the Things We Couldn't Do Without
by Ian Ganassi
penny
wrappers toaster
waffles free love astrology aerodynamics astral projection radium redial catatonia autism barium enemas melatonin menthol lights jungle gyms George of the Jungle jimson weed jingoism boxcars hoboes Calamine lotion keratoses cancellations postponements FEDEX Uncle Fester thioridazine tag lines portfolios eyeliner jockey shorts fire insurance fertility drugs smart bombs signal men neoprene Naugahyde paramedics vaccines singles bars personal ads voting booths bluegrass Cartesian wells asphalt snow blowers lung cancer palisades Ferris wheels creepy crawlers hyper-lipidemia bridal suites spiral notebooks fire extinguishers sodium pentothal amyl nitrate ferrous oxide polyamides thalidomide ferrous ammonium
sulfate laughing
gas local anesthesia cyclotrons macrobiotics fighter pilots gas masks electroencephalograms mitochondrial DNA video games music videos vacuum tubes vacuum cleaners carpet cleaners cryogenics ice cubes Coca Cola canned soup airports helicopters skateboards hysterectomies extrusion blow molding centrifuges internal combustion fluoroscopes MRIs the Surgeon General GI Joe cosmetic dentistry magic markers Beyond Thunderdome neon sunscreen surfactants urinals moth balls capillary action fluphenazine olanzapine Zima market niches spearmint gum pencil sharpeners binoculars red lights parking garages antibiotics stainless steel strontium nitrate nitroglycerin folding chairs Downs Syndrome polio flashbulbs instamatic cameras pornography Rolaids microchips X-rays Medflies tar paper flypaper animal crackers periodontists vinyl compact disks land rovers nylon filament Sanford National
Laboratories CAT
scans breast implants prophylactics astrophysicists aluminum bats hearing aids artificial insemination speaker phones speakers turntables corrasable bond central air
conditioning central
heat software hardware CPUs Salem 100s rubber stamps running water indoor plumbing blenders food processors bikinis water skis speedboats forensic dentistry reinforced concrete headlights halogen bulbs topless bars mascara alien abductions floppy diskettes duct tape universal gyms Stairmasters creosote admen Alfred Hitchcock Gregory Peck battery acid forensic psychology breath mints Popeye magazine subscriptions Time-Warner anti-coagulants The Wall Street Journal pacifiers Grand Central Station juke boxes aluminum hydrochloride dental floss Ace bandages Ban De Soleil super models astronauts high risk investments mutual funds soda fountains fashion accessories fluorescence angioplasty play dates Matlock geriatric nursing no-fault insurance video slot machines Indian gambling Fahrenheit 451 fiberboard solid oak veneer temporary employment Automatic Teller
Machines petrochemicals Liquid Crystal Displays the sound barrier the speed of light dilantin spellcheckers software engineers basic training house cats ibuprofen hydrogen peroxide calcium chloride swimming pools cinema Roto-Rooter Liquid Plumber digitalis carpools bus exhaust electric guitars MasterCard holograms Halcyon electron microscopes laundry bluing urinal cakes dentures Listerine leaf blowers love testers molecular sieves Marilyn Monroe Procter and Gamble bilateral wrist splints Bay Watch sirens lube jobs bipolar disorder migraines carbon monoxide chaos theory pet food rat poison ethanol cell phones Cheerios Lactaid retsin flea collars trans-fatty acids polypeptides Pepsi Cola erythromycin in-line skates the pill the abortion pill prophylactics meteorologists global positioning
systems Pathfinder Fig Newtons Mars Bars Orson Wells time lapse photography disposable cameras polyurethane floor buffers plastic explosives surf boards Absolut methamphetamine pseudoephedrine lithium Valium Darth Vader barometric pressure satellites butane Bunsen burners dark matter general relativity Alvin Ailey Martha Graham Robert Frost Allen Ginsberg lethal injections ecstasy Brave New World Miracle Gro The Hamptons spring water identity crises affirmative action computer animation blood transfusions power transformers scuba gear Lloyd Bridges Dr. Scholl's Candid Camera acid-free paper LSD Slim-Fast long distance operator assistance 911 electric frying pans The Salvation Army faux fur nannies transistors the Isles of Langerhans digital sampling staple guns genital herpes HIV microwaves catalepsy disco fever Madonna peristaltic action sunglasses deep fryers nuclear fission super conducting super
colliders alternate-side-of-the-street
parking chance
operations John
Cage method acting Taco Bell Grease negative space free improvisation high performance
gasoline unleaded
gasoline power surges high definition
television syphilis Scotch
tape self-adhesive
postage stamps Elmer's
glue copper
sulfate night sticks riot gear the Democratic National
Convention bull pulpits the Supreme Court jury duty Grandma's Molasses manhole covers exploding cigars Saran Wrap aluminum foil partially hydrogenated
vegetable oil King
Kong Mary Tyler
Moore Cecil B.
DeMille Manischewitz Carnation Instant Breakfast Kool Aid monosodium glutamate Preparation H. Ex-Lax sitcoms Ed Koch Kenneth Koch free association Wheaties Tang John Glenn Glenn Ford John Gotti Lyme tick disease Westchester County Metro North freeze-dried coffee The Associations lie detectors semiconductors trade associations railroad ties Wonder Bread supermarket tabloids compound interest hypothermia tire irons Quaker State Firestone security envelopes brake shoes patent leather push-up bras canned clams Das Kapital Holiday Inns Dayglo flower power veterinary medicine the Christian Coalition Memorial Day Black Monday Heaven's Gate Corpus Christi Christie's Sotheby's flame retardant polyester window envelopes seedless watermelons prenatal care pink elephants gas meters electrocardiograms norepinephrine morphine sodium saccharide sarin nerve gas the United Nations digital imaging potassium nitrate nicotine toilet plungers hydrocortisone cream fiber optics neuroleptics psychotropics The Flying Nun osteoporosis micro-management gamma linoleic acid Sanford and Son liposuction prosthetic limbs golf balls foxholes Phenobarbital barber poles paleontology radiocarbon dating computer dating hero sandwiches The Tunnel Of Love sanitary napkins altered states breast enhancers Viagra semi-automatic weapons semaphore car radios antennae MVPs MCI macroeconomics MIT Marilyn Manson self-motivation Transcendental
Meditation Alcoholics
Anonymous temporary
relief specious
reasoning the OED hypodermic needles library cards Camel Lights Campbell's Soup A Little Night Music Flexeril spinal stenosis The Elephant Man leukemia Moog synthesizers one-liners self-promotion ankle bracelets nail polish Islamic Fundamentalists Bonnie and Clyde The
quicker-picker-upper paper towels forensic pathology fanzines jihad the
ballyhoo of Broadway cellophane A&W Root beer McDonalds self-help the
faculty lounge paper
tigers coupons free samples scratch-and-sniff guaifenesin cosmetic surgery false IDs dog biscuits Pop-Tarts Wonder Woman saline solution CB radios serotonin dopamine acid rock Elvis Presley 45s 33s 78s fruit juice concentrate centrifuges blue jeans patent leather apricot leather nail guns bulletin boards breaking news black light lip gloss hydroponic gardens Monopoly Scrabble cellulite disposable lighters electric ranges interstate highways tungsten carbide fiberglass global warming solar panels That 70s Show cinematography hand jobs blow jobs lug lube the Mandelbrot set electric blankets laxatives cake mixes minimalism SoHo The Whitney Biennial reading lamps ESP EST TMJ the grassy knoll Raymond Carver Otis Redding Bozo the Clown PMS PBS PTA Welcome Wagon rubber baby buggy
bumpers flappers depilatory cream Motown Art Garfunkel nanoseconds binary code time cards management seminars Newspeak 1984 War of the Worlds Ayatollah Ruollah Khomenhi the L.A. freeway the Expressway to Your
Heart Bell Atlantic the San Andreas fault Jean Claude Van Damme Liberace Jacques Costeau Jim Lehrer Bugs Bunny nouvelle cuisine jackhammers demolition derby funny cars stearic acid the Hanta virus quinine the Titanic radio collars absentee ballots ball point pens roller coasters lab rats studio rats the Indie 500 selective serotonin reuptake
inhibitors Puppy
Chow remote
control Certs Tic Tacs miniature golf M80s insect repellent underarm deodorant photocopiers laser printers Star Wars NASA the Strategic Defense
Initiative space
shuttles Astroturf Joe Namath Joe DiMaggio Yogi Bera Symphony Sid tunable conga drums the Palladium Avenue A La Cucaracha Celina Gonzalez Captain Kirk Planet of the Apes Strangers In Paradise Dutch Elm Disease paranormal phenomena Penguin Classics Lean Cuisine dementia praecox the talking cure The Cure at Bath the Big Bang antimatter Mary Poppins The Nanny Mrs. Doubtfire the Tomb of the
Unknowns Happy
Meals the Muppets Freddy's Dead The Grateful Dead Superfly Blackula blacksploitation brain food brain waves brain tumors Brainiac The Joker Spiderman Detective Comics baseball card chewing
gum two mints in
one shell casings Sylvia Plath Almond Joy petroleum jelly AfroSheen Brill Cream Winstons BuyRite Rite Aid shock jocks strip mining Do You Know the Way to San
Jose The Breakfast of
Champions Rocky and
Bullwinkle The Agony
and the Ecstasy frequent flier miles Iwo Jima The
Jetsons Greyhound Toys R Us Pampers crack Pierre Boulez Joe Montana Vinnie Testaverde chlorine A Raisin In The Sun impeachment hearings nasal decongestants calcium supplements facelifts decentralization Ritalin touch tone telephones voice mail HMOs nepotism necrosis of the liver room service whitewalls snow tires the human genome project strontium 90 resistors the witness protection
program the FBI the CIA off-track betting Send in the Clowns miniskirts vinyl siding toner cartridges high-speed trains Clorox Borax boric acid Raid Chicken Delight Burger King windshield wipers car antennae multiculturalism the OED automatic transmissions cruise control Pentium Processors Bill Gates digital parking meters Lovely Rita Meter Maid the Yellow Submarine Day of the Locust Gertrude Himmelfarb Debbie Harry the Bay of Pigs Hellmann's Mayonnaise Heinz Ketchup French's Mustard electric trains joint ventures wholly owned
investments capital
punishment orgone
boxes Blind Lemon
Jefferson Willie
Nelson tartar control
toothpaste genetic
engineering the zebra
muscle bee mites Africanized bees rose food BHT Joe Camel chat lines Rolexes rolodexes Pavlov's dog behavior modification depth psychology Thanksgiving Memorial Day Jehovah's Witnesses acid rain yellow journalism Shirley Chisolm Downbeat The Blue Note Crazy Glue halitosis Listerine get-well cards Lenscrafters Windows 95 Count Chocula Frankenstein's Monster metered cabs Donna Reed Donna Summers Happy Days Placido Domingo placidil Jurassic Park copy holders Disney World Ivory Soap Marilyn Chambers Downies K-Mart Wal-Mart Home Depot My Dingaling oxygen tents cerebral palsy multiple sclerosis multiple orgasms hemorrhagic fever Ernest Hemingway The Importance of Being Earnest self-immolation potassium cyanide Mount St. Helens birth defects major breakthroughs Colonel Sanders serial murderers Post Toasties Monty Python fan mail vasectomies Land Rovers Boston Baked Beans the biosphere Gone With The Wind cell mates Sybil Shepherd Celia Cruz Tito Puente hypnotherapy nosegays corsages backroom politics cloak rooms chalk board erasers petri dishes formaldehyde toaster ovens form 1040EZ the IRS napalm acidophilus acetaminophen Jump Street the word go Black Sabbath coke ovens brick oven pizza the gas chamber Auschwitz Branola Skippy Peanut Butter Bruce Springsteen false eyelashes couch potatoes Dan Quayle fax paper Fear of Flying Delmore Schwartz 101 Dalmatians Nastasya Kinsky Clairol Herbal Essence
Shampoo Around The
World In 80 Days Uncle
Tom's Cabin talk show
hosts Edgar Rice
Burroughs instant
coffee the Cool
Jerk the Mashed
Potato Twist and
Shout Ansonia Seymour
Naugatuck Jack the
Ripper broken
treaties quarks boron neutrinos Thunderbird Wine influenza vaccine the Swine Flu epidemic the Ku Klux Klan the NAACP the placebo effect Aspergum stainless steel
colanders Silicon
Valley The Lord of the
Rings ring binders Breaker Morant John Cage Cape Fear double agents 007 latex condoms condominiums time shares fire island camp Boeing 707s Agatha Christie artificial intelligence rear guard action spin doctors impeachment hearings the Ebola virus germ warfare Doctor Woo the final solution dengue fever the middle passage price wars Nat King Cole Leonard Peltier Leonard Nimoy Arthur C. Clarke isopropyl rubbing
alcohol aerosol Grecian Formula SROs virtual reality fuck-me pumps SUNY Buffalo GatorAide No-Doz Barbicide assault rifles Tipper Gore Kilgore Trout high school principals deconstruction semiology laptop computers art directors directorial debuts deputy directors CFOs cosmologists God Elijah Mohammed Malcolm X the Vietnam Memorial downers black beauties Flipper electro-shock therapy Eddie Palmieri cattle prods Black Magic Woman Penthouse masking tape stereophonic sound eight track cassettes Maidenform bras the Cosmo Girl organic food kick boxing Chuck Norris Bruce Lee iron-on patches glam rock Aladdin Sane capoiera thermal windows collagen injections Cheers soccer riots Hefty Trash Bags repetitive motion
disorder chronic
fatigue syndrome Ray
Bradbury The Thin Man Hercule Poirot Miss Marple W.C. Scott W.C. Handy W.C. Fields hot plates hot pants space heaters penicillin W.C. Williams station wagons circular driveways the beltway Heidi Fleiss witness tampering flatulence Tums acid reflux disease the U.S. Open spinal meningitis Florence Nightingale SATs GREs Rex Banner Lex Luthor Christopher Columbus the Crusades instant karma Tae Kwon Do Saturday Night Specials Bacardi Dark Captain Nemo video arcades logging maps eco-terrorism produce bags crows' feet Oil of Olay jockey shorts Calvin Klein Field of Dreams Kevin Costner Gus Van Zant Gangsta Rap prize-winning poodles sand candles tear-jerkers melanoma needle-nosed pliers thermal underwear road rage leg of lamb ice-breakers breathless accolades Yodels molded resin shop teachers farmers' daughters mortgage foreclosures Keri lotion meat cleavers Hanna Barbera Daffy Duck tiddily winks The Scarlet Pimpernel Basil Rathbone basal ganglia last year's model cerulean blue A Boy Named Sue Riders On The Storm rec rooms furnished basements Rin Tin Tin Lassy OCD tinnitus indoor swimming pools the rapture Silent Witness Field of Dreams Old Spice Christopher Walken universal joints pet cemeteries Barbasol Tommy Tune Mikhail Baryshikhov Klaus Kinsky Blondie bioflavanoids Gomez Adams Herman Munster bankers' hours Harry Belafonte Belarus Bentleys the borscht belt barroom brawls General Schwartzkopf Scrabble fallen idols Jerome Robbins mortal sins double negatives smoked oysters Harry S. Truman losing odds Bertha Butt Fab Five Freddie Pink Floyd Peruvian flake onomasticon xenophobia Burning Spear Willie Colon the paranormal David Duchovny Clearasil C.C. Rider Frank Zappa double entendres Marion Anderson user manuals crab cakes Bela Lugosi Claritin chocolate-covered graham
crackers Nancy
Sinatra Strangers In
The Night bomb
scares Mickey
Mouse Dolly Parton Life Savers inflatable toys ring-around-the-collar Amber Waves of Grain trade deficits feral cats the Road Runner traffic bumps dermatologists Doctor Zizmor acne dermatitis Saddam Hussein Aunt Jemima Doctor Bledsoe Ivan Karymozov CtrlAltDel Scarface scungili instant gratification Calamity Jane Desolation Row the millennium Y2K Justo Betancourt Nina Simone The Jetsons The Honeymooners Jackie Gleason Buster Keaton corner trowels bleeding ulcers Better Homes and Gardens hybrid corn conspicuous consumption Gucci bags iron lungs American Medical
Response breathalyzers kindergarten swastikas pigeon
shit chicken feed varicose veins mass transit The Monkees turtle soup fatty acids Howard Stern Joey Ramon Blind Faith patronage iron deficiency anemia Cousin Brucie AM radio Phizine Maybelline Ma Bell Nynex Nausea land mines dust mites cat dander men in uniform men at work jazz trios light opera breakfast in bed Bela Bartok Yahudi Menuhin artificial snow Olean Nutra Sweet Sweet 'n Low radio collars crank Wellbutrin wild fires national parks park rangers valet parking pantothenic acid panty raids streaking skinny dipping Olestra elbow macaroni super novas black holes string theory silly putty plastic wood cheese graters egg beaters feel-good movies Dana Scully Gillian Anderson office furniture Gumby beanie babies teletubbies Colgate Palmolive Sprite Seven-Up Seagram’s Seven Seventeen Magazine Alfred E. Newman Bertolucci talking heads heads of state hogsheads hedonism Pyrrhic victories jelly beans Mr. Bean flatworms tapeworms D cups silk panties snorkels Sea Hunt Diver Dan The Lone Ranger magnetic media Heineken Herbert Hunke Marlboro UltraLights Moon Unit Zappa Richard Pryor dance ethnologists bronze baby shoes the diamond engagement
ring 96 bottles of beer
on the wall 96 tears The Streets of Laredo Hurricane Floyd faraway voices T.S. Eliot Mr. Greenjeans Captain Kangaroo King of the Road Sunset Boulevard Caledonia Corrina Corrina Princess Diana paparazzi Oprah Winfrey Son of Sam Samuel Butler Dana Carvey Austin Powers all news all the time Mack Truck shadow governments puppet dictators Don King Count Dracula papier machè machetes Ogun The Death of Marat Salem Massachusetts Wiccan My Friend Flicka The Wizard of Oz Ozzie and Harriet James and the Giant
Peach Jack and the
Beanstalk palindromes palimpsests neuroendocrinology malathion encephalitis Merriam Webster homemade Christmas ornaments Easter egg die Flexible Flyers Mini Mouse Betty Boop Jim Dandy Fearless Floyd Babyface Floyd Floyd Paterson Famous Ray’s Interborough Rapid Transit Jeffrey Daumer capital gains tax death and taxes Taxi Driver Minister Farakhan Farah Fawcett filet mignon filet of sole Soul Train B.T. Express P.T. Barnum the big top Rock n’ Roll is Here
to Stay Go Tell It On
The Mountain the wrath of God the grapes of wrath merciful Minerva Joe Pesci Peter Piper The Myth of the Eternal
Return Mircea Eliade Curious George buttermilk pancakes International House of
Pancakes suffering
succotash Succoth semper fi the Green Berets Harold Lloyd Charlie Chaplin Charley and the Chocolate
Factory bubble gum
cigarettes non-pareils Chicken Little Kentucky Fried Chicken Chicken a la King Buffalo Wings Buffalo Gals Buffalo Dancers Buffalo Soldiers Shuffle Off to Buffalo shuffleboard Checkerboard Square the Keebler Elves Isaac Newton special relativity Campfire Girls penis envy Fred Flintstone the kit ‘n
caboodle Kit Kats Snickers the number of the beast The Book of Revelations Arsenic and Old Lace Cary Grant Gary Cooper Winona Ryder field theory morphogenetic fields Henry Fielding the Palisades Amusement
Park Wally World yin and yang red light districts acupuncture roller blades Starvin’ Marvin the Maltese Falcon bongs Roehrscharck tests The Spinners The Platters the fatted calf Charles Manson Sharon Tate Tantric Yoga Newsweek Hanta Yo Bic Lighters KY Jelly strange attractors safety matches Guy Fawkes Day commemorative coins Cherry Coke boysenberry yogurt Boyz in da Hood poison apples Sinead O’Connor Cardinal O’Connor The Staple Singers Port Jefferson The Jeffersons Michael Jackson fashion victims little bo peep Peeps Little Boy Blue pedophiles sex offenders chrome fenders chicken tenders return to sender Fender Stratocasters Marshall Amps Alan Greenspan Lou Dobbs hedge funds electric hedge clippers pinking sheers sheer nylons sheer boredom Jimmy Crack Corn Shoo Fly Don’t Bother
Me My Heart Belongs To
Daddy Baby Blue money laundering Kris Kringle spelling conventions spelling bees unspoken rules bensonite Roller Ball Futuresport cat’s eyes jacks double Dutch Led Zeppelin The Hindenburg lead balloons minimum wage Geico Direct Simple Simon Son Seal the World Soccer Cup World Cup Soccer World Saxophone Quartet Archie Shepp Blue Man Group Walter Pater ars gratia artis feline leukemia Frosted Flakes brake fluid maple syrup Carmen Ghias Bugsy Mallone Marty MacFly Doc Holliday bank holidays macadamia nuts pate de foi gras Duck Soup indefinite pronouns definite pronouns